i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
