My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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