I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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