Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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