I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
