I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
