ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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