I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
