He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
