Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
