im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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