Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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