I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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