i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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