Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
