you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
