i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
