I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
