I bet he comes in French.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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