Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
