well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
