i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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