i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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