can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
