Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
