i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
