Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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