i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
