You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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