I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
