my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize