susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
