I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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