two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
