Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
