I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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