There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
