Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
