he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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