it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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