are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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