Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
