Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
