All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
MIDGETS
????
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
