I got chris browned last night
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
