just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
