my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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