So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
