I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize