how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
