Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
