sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
