You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
