Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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