Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
