I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
