i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
