I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
