I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
