Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
