He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
