we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
