I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
