I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
