Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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