Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
its liver damage thursday
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
