I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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